


Achatina Fulica

by Dodo



Series: I anthropomorphize everything [20]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bathing/Washing, Boys Kissing, Crack, Fluff, Inappropriate blueberry storage, M/M, Magic, Mucus, True Love's Kiss, flexing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 03:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19880728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dodo/pseuds/Dodo
Summary: A date between Tony and Steve is interrupted by the Enchantress, when Steve takes a hit meant for Tony. Tony has to deal with the slimey aftermath, oblivious to Steve's awkward attempts at flirting.🐌





	Achatina Fulica

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressingGreenie/gifts).



> Had to get this out it was rattling around my head.
> 
> I was inspired by two things:  
> 1\. [A bit of a situation [!Art] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16425239)by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie)  
> 2\. [this snail's amzing peet](https://twitter.com/LancelotSnail/status/1142109411940413451)
> 
> !! the amazing STevE snail art by [MountainRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainRose/pseuds/MountainRose)!!

It had been Steve’s turn to pick out the venue for the date. Tony was fine with that as his attempts had been very grandeur only the best for Steve, which had put Steve in a hard place. Since the brooklynite had never been one for the fancy stuff. Tony smiled, thinking back on the first date a flustered Steve at a hot dog cart.

The date had been food from various carts as they walked the park in the heat of the day. It had been great, very simple, very Steve. Tony had typically of course used his money to get the best french food, rent out the MoMa, grandeur gestures. That he noticed made Steve a bit nervous, or uncomfortable. Maybe he was coming on to strongly.

Tony would move mountains for Steve, it's just that they had an appalling lack of communication. It seemed any time they got to really talking it was either interrupted by avengers duties or they would start making out. It wasn’t wrong to have a kink that was the sole object of Steve’s attention. It just got Tony really riled up, and apparently also Steve.

That's what lead them here in the diner eating breakfast food at night. Steve typically had the entire breakfast menu ordered, Tony was having a burger like a sensible person. Stealing a few blueberries off one of Steve’s many plates as he worked on demolishing the honorary captain american grand slam. Steve had picked this spot for their date, Tony licked the salt of his fingers, pausing when he realized Steve was watching.

He used a napkin discreetly, it was probably best not to break out in a make out session in public. After all Steve was still adjusting to the paparazzi, Tony understood. A bit too well of wanting privacy. He dipped a fry into his milkshake ignoring Steve’s face, had to have some salt with his sweet there was science to prove why it was good, but Steve still had his hang up about fries and milkshakes. More for Tony.

He sighed as Steve, stroked his inner thigh with his foot. A promise to come, he dipped his fingers in some of the whipped cream on the smiley face pancake, licking it off while he winked at Steve, whose face was rapidly flushing and the leg against his stilled for a moment. There was the flex of the pectorals that Tony had come to enjoy so much.

It seemed to be a tick of sorts, Steve was completely unaware that he was doing it. The pectorals would contract and most of the time it wouldn’t be both, just one or the other. Very mesermiszing for Tony, He leaned in ready to pick up the conversation.

“Hey so….”  
There was a loud crash outside and Thor slammed through the diner’s window, Steve lep to his feet followed by Tony. the high pitched voice of the enchantress as she floated into the diner. Since he was armed with just a milkshake Tony tossed it, hitting the enchantress square in the face.

The next few minutes were a bit of a red, white, and blue blur, she had aimed some sort of spell at him but it had never connected. Thor had loudly warned her and was currently chasing her down as she retreated. Tony looked down at his feet to see a massive snail, it was holding a blueberry. Tony took a step back, lip curling the snail was gross.

Where was steve, oh the shell. Oh no, Tony swallows as he watched the snail slowly advances upon him still holding the blueberry. The shell was covered with concentric circles and in the middle was a white star. Steve had taken the spell, Steve was now a huge mucus foot. He bent over and picked Steve up by his shell. Torn between keeping Steve safe and holding snail Steve far away from his body.

The foot strained for his person and that's how he ended up with a trail of slime up his arm, as Steve placed the mucus laided blueberry in his ear. With a huge patriotic snail on his shoulder and something very unpleasant in his ear Tony made haste to get back to the tower. Ordering the supplies via JARVIS, getting into the penthouse ready to take a scalding hot shower.

Steve seemed to be very happy on his shoulder, Tony was given no less than six very slimey snail kisses. Or thats what Tony presumed they were when Steve pressed his face into Tony’s cheek. Eye stalks tucked in with each kiss. Didn’t matter as he managed to persuade Steve to get off with a promise of a bath.

The blueberry was removed, and Tony had a full body shudder as he made haste to get into the bathroom for his shower. Removing the twice slimed jacket, he’d have to burn it. So much for spending a steamy night with Steve, he could only hope Thor had made good on his threat and captured the enchantress so they could make her change Steve back.

Tony rinsed his hair from the soap as he carefully cleaned out his ear with the wash towel. Head tilted he noticed something on the glass door a blob. Oh no it was just Steve on his merry way to join Tony in the shower. Tony groaned looking at the thick slime tail that was left on the glass from Steve's one foot. He would need to redo the entire bathroom...maybe just burn the entire tower.

He was overreacting of course, Steve joined him for the shower, she didn’t crawl all over Tony this time. Just chilled on the floor next to his foot, Tony crouched down and pulled a bit of debris from the diner that was stuck to Steve’s side. Steve placed his snail face into Tony’s hand, the eye stalks dropping. He looked sad.

Tony carefully scooped up Steve and placed him on the counter as he arranged the tank and all the ‘snail supplies’ JARVIS had ordered.  
“Make you a nice temp home, Steve. A snail sized bath, some food, nice and warm. I know you hate the cold.”

The snail perked up some, or so Tony thought he wasn’t an expert in snail faces. He wasn’t even sure if snails had faces in the traditional sense. He carefully set up the tank and placed Steve in it, thinking maybe he needed some food. If snail Steve had the same calorie intake as human Steve, he would need a lot of snail food.

Tony pulled a green leaf out of the veggie bin, that looked like snail food, he also snagged an apple. Steve had been so taken with the fresh fruit of this age and yet he always seemed to default to apples as his go to snack. They just made Tony hungrier, apples they needed peanut butter or something on them to satiate him. Though this was for Steve so he made his way back to his room with some green bits of lettuce and a macintosh.

Steve devoured the leaf, at first Tony merely assumed he was sliming it up but when he finished cutting the apple to place in the tank. The leaf of lettuce was gone, and Steve was right there foot on the wall of the tank, flexing his foot, making undulating waves with the muscles in his foot, it would have been fascinating for the engineer in Tony if it had been any other time, and not with his partner as the snail. Steve's eye stalks were straining Tony move the apple and watched the eyes follow it. He placed the apple into the tank and watched Steve methodically eat the apple slices, with a single minded dedication.

As human Steve normally did right after eating, snail Steve crawled into the water dish for a bath. Then he crawled into the hidey hole and disappeared into his shell for a nap possibly. Tony went down to the kitchen hoping to find Thor or someone that knew where the god was.

Thor was not to be found, though there was extensive news coverage on the battle between him and the enchantress. People were turning into all sorts of things. Usually an animal that their partner found abhorrent, there was one man on the screen white as a sheet holding that frog that carries the babies in its back. lifting it up for a smooch with the eyes closed, and with a poof of magic dust his significant other appeared. The little ribbon at the bottom was proclaiming that a simple kiss from a loved one reversed the spell.

Tony perked up, that was how he could fix Steve. He hopped into the elevator and traveled straight to the tank to see Steve once again flexing his foot for Tony to see. He lifted the slimy mass up and pressed a kiss to the top of the head.

It worked, and now Tony was under a very nice firm and not mucusy Steve. He could feel the pectorals flex, Steve was laughing.  
“I was flirting with you the entire time!”  
“Sorry Steve, I don’t do Snails.”

“You’d do this snail,”  
Steve flexes his pecs in tandem grinning, at the way Tony’s eyes zeroed in on his chest. Sometimes the genius was not subtle at all. He pulled Tony up by the tie and kissed him, a better kiss with more tongue.

“I think I would.”  
Tony licked his lips as Steve laid down on top still chortling. Letting Tony trace his face with his slightly soggy fingers. They could always have another bath.


End file.
